The Chance of Love (The Book of Love 7) Page 10

  Joshua shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Oh, Lord. Miranda was in high dudgeon again.

  Ah, here it comes.

  And there she was, on her feet with a glass of wine in her hand, the crystal catching the firelight as she prepared to make a toast. Others might believe she meant to wish him well in finding a new house, but he knew better. She was ready to blast him to Perdition. “My good son has announced to me that he is searching for a house.”

  Well, at least he’d been called the good son.

  “He is abandoning me. I shall now be left with the smart-mouthed wastrel son who is the one I ought to be kicking out of my home.”

  Joshua rolled his eyes. “I’m not leaving you, as you well know. I’ll probably wind up in a house, not five minutes from here.”

  “Your smart-mouthed wastrel son is not leaving you either,” Ronan said dryly. “And why am I a wastrel when I hold the same position as Joshua does, except mine is Royal Navy, which we all know is far more impressive, and we usually ride to our offices together?”

  Tynan and Abigail were present and snickering, for they were quite familiar with this usual exchange. Tynan had been on the receiving end of it a time or two. Fortunately, Holly and her family were used to riotous behavior in the Farthingale household. But had they ever experienced anything like Lady Miranda on a righteous tear?

  Finally, Tynan shook his head and groaned. “Miranda,” he said because she was too tart to be called Mother by any of her boys, “leave Joshua and Ronan alone. We are in company.”

  She sniffed and tipped her chin in the air. “Sophie and John know me well by now. They are parents and understand how I must feel.”

  “Lady Miranda, you never need despair of losing them,” John said. “They all come back and bring little squealing, crawling objects with them that stick their pudgy fingers wherever they don’t belong and spit up on you at the most inconvenient times.”

  “Indeed,” Sophie added. “All five of our daughters are now married and mothers of their own, but our house is still full. We are now enjoying our nieces as they make their debuts.” She paused a moment to smile at them, obviously holding all four girls in great affection. “But we know what you mean, for it is nice having a full house. However, John and I also dream of the day we might actually be alone in our home. I’m not sure that will ever happen.”

  Miranda was not mollified. “Joshua has decided to conduct his house search on his own. I do think he ought to have my assistance. What do men know about such things?”

  Holly was seated directly opposite him at the table, looking beautiful as always. She wore a gown of pale blue silk, the color of a robin’s egg, that she must have borrowed from one of her sisters. The color suited her, but any color would.

  She blushed as Miranda continued to complain. “A man needs a woman’s input on this matter. Who better than his own mother?”

  He would have liked to cut his mother’s griping short, but he did not want to make a thing of it before he’d had the chance to speak to Holly and find out if she was willing to join him in the house hunt.

  He’d left work late and come straight here instead of returning to Chipping Way. But he hadn’t managed a moment alone with Holly, and then they’d all sat for their feast before he could ask her.

  Would she accept to hunt for houses with him?

  He tried to catch her eye, but she was too busy picking at her quail to look up. He attempted to switch the topic of conversation, but Miranda was like a dog with a bone and would not let the matter go. “Who better than a mother to know what’s good for her own son?”

  “Lord, help me.” Joshua drained his glass of wine. “Holly has agreed to help me. That is, I hope she is agreeable to it.”

  Miranda also took a gulp of her wine before setting it down and staring at Holly. “Is this true?”

  Holly looked like she wanted to hide under the table.

  Joshua needed more wine. Whatever had made him think inviting Holly to a family supper was a good idea? He certainly had not asked her here to witness the henna-haired matriarch of the Brayden family on a rampage. “Miranda, it is a private matter between Holly and me.”

  But to his surprise, Holly finally looked up and smiled at his mother. “Yes, Lady Miranda. He has asked me. Aunt Sophie has agreed to act as chaperone as we search. I am looking forward to it. Your son is quite wonderful. I enjoy spending time with him.”

  His mother immediately softened. She reached out to take Holly’s hand, for they were seated beside each other. “Then he is in very good hands, my dear. I am amazed he has shown such good judgment.”

  “He is exceptionally clever,” Holly said. “But I think all your sons are. I’m sorry Finn and Belle could not be here tonight. I saw him and Joshua in action at Oxford, and they are quite impressive. Belle is wildly in love with Finn.” She glanced down the table at Violet. “And the same can be said for Violet regarding Romulus.”

  Abigail spoke up. “Me, too. The best day of my life is the day I met Tynan.”

  Miranda groaned. “Oh, good heavens. Enough of this mawkish blather. We all know my sons are idiots, except for occasional flashes of good sense they’ve shown in choosing their wives.” She raised her glass again in toast. “Here’s to your successful house search, even if my opinion is not valued.”

  Joshua groaned. “Please, Mother, enough.”

  Holly was tossing his mother compassionate looks. “He has chosen to search for a home close to yours, and that is such a great compliment, I should think. I’m sure he’ll be happy for your opinion once he’s narrowed his choices.”

  “Well said, my dear. But it is your opinion he will treasure most.” She patted Holly’s hand again. “This is as it should be. Don’t mind me. I like to give my sons a hard time. In truth, they are all perfect. But their heads would swell to enormous proportions if they were not deflated every once in a while.”

  Once the meal was over, and the men had joined the ladies in the drawing room, Joshua sought out Holly. “Is it true? You are agreeable?”

  She nodded. “I’m looking forward to it. Hortensia warned me not to make more of it than simply helping out a friend. I expect you mean more, but let’s just take it one day at a time and enjoy each other’s company. I do enjoy being with you. Very much.”

  “The feeling is mutual, Holly. I do mean more. I hope you know that.”

  She nodded.

  He wanted to kiss her, but when did he not? “You look beautiful.”

  She smiled. “Another borrowed gown. This one belongs to Heather. She insisted I wear it instead of the dull mustard gown I had set out on my bed. My sisters are threatening to burn my clothes.”

  “I’ll bring the matches.” He cast her a wicked grin. “I certainly don’t need you in clothes.”

  “I…” She gasped and laughed when she caught the import of his words. “This is why your mother gives you a hard time. But I think I like that little bit of naughty in you.”

  “And I like to see you smiling.” Since they were standing off to the side and not being bothered at the moment, he decided to raise the matter of the questions she’d asked of him. “I started to write my answers, then stopped.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I realized that love is not a matter of filling out questions on a piece of paper. Love is something we feel.”

  “But doesn’t the book discuss expectations? Aren’t they important?”

  “Yes, they are. However, it isn’t important to have all the answers right away. You asked, how would I describe myself? I like to think of myself as a good man, but beyond that, I don’t know. What matters more is what you think of me.”

  “I like what I’ve seen so far…and we are not speaking of the tub incident. We are speaking cerebrally.”

  He laughed when he caught her blushing. “Right.”

  She sighed. “Do not dare mention it. I shall never live that moment down. In my list, I also asked what your idea is of the perfect wife.”
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br />   “That one is simple. You. Perfect doesn’t mean someone who never makes a mistake. We all make them. Perfect means someone who makes me want to be a better man. Perfect is the two of us making a better whole together than ourselves apart. You are that someone who is perfect for me.”

  He thought his words would please her, but she was nibbling her lip instead. “Holly, what have I said?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Then why are you fretting?”

  She had no chance to respond, for the dinner party was breaking up, and she was to ride home with her aunt and uncle.

  He had an uneasy feeling things had not gone as well as he’d hoped. Should he not be taking small steps? Moving forward only one foot at a time? He was ready to propose to her, but was she ready? He dared not rush her into accepting his offer and later have her regret it.

  Yes, he wanted to marry her.

  But she was a butterfly not yet out of her cocoon. She was still wearing borrowed clothes. She was still letting matters gnaw at her bones instead of coming right out and telling him. How long had they truly known each other? A few days in Oxford and a few days here in London?

  It didn’t amount to much.

  Shouldn’t they know each other better than this before taking the leap?

  He set the thought aside for now since he’d be seeing Holly tomorrow.

  But when he walked over to collect her and her Aunt Sophie the following afternoon, he was surprised to find her in the drawing room with another gentleman. The door was open, and they were seated in separate chairs suitably distant from each other. Still, that did not stop Joshua’s heart from shooting into his throat.

  The man was about his age, perhaps a few years older. He had dark hair and was rather thin, although dressed quite elegantly. The carriage he’d noticed standing outside had a ducal crest on it. He hadn’t paid it particular attention at the time, thinking perhaps the Duchess of Edgeware, Sophie’s daughter, had stopped by to pay a call on her mother.

  Obviously, the carriage did not belong to Duchess Dillie.

  Joshua stood just outside the drawing room, motioning to Pruitt not to announce him just yet. He wasn’t trying to eavesdrop so much as collect himself, for he now realized something new about himself. When it came to Holly, he was completely and utterly a possessive arse.

  One of the questions she had asked among the list of questions she had posed to him was quite insightful. What is the one thing you could never forgive? For him, the answer was a wife who was unfaithful.

  Yet, Holly was doing nothing wrong.

  His heart was still in his throat as he walked in.

  She smiled as he entered. “Captain Brayden, I’m so glad you’re here. May I introduce you to Lord Rawling, Marquess of Elswick? I mentioned to you that my late husband had several good friends, but his dearest was Stanford Rawling. Lord Rawling is his brother.”

  Hell in a handbasket. “A pleasure to meet you, my lord. My sincere condolences for your loss.”

  “Thank you, Captain Brayden.” He turned to Holly and bowed over her hand. Joshua couldn’t help but notice that the man’s own hand trembled as he held Holly’s. “It was a pleasure to see you, Mrs. Gleason. I hope to have the opportunity to call upon you again.”

  She nodded. “Of course. Please do not stand on formality.”

  Joshua said nothing for a long moment as he and Holly stood watching the marquess leave. “Gad, I’m an unmitigated arse,” he muttered.

  Holly shook her head in obvious confusion. “Why? You were polite to him. Thank you for not giving away that…you knew. Honestly, I think he came here to find out whether I was aware about the relationship between Walter and Stanford. He kept talking around the point, and I kept avoiding it. I’m not sure what he hoped to accomplish other than to renew the pain of their deaths.”

  “Perhaps he came here just for you.”

  “Oh, I doubt it.” Holly said nothing more, merely nibbled her lip as she began to fret. He recognized this in her, the telltale sign that something was worrying her. Would she confide in him?

  “Shall I fetch my aunt? We don’t want to make you late for your appointment.”

  “Yes, my driver should have my carriage out front by now.”

  She started to leave but then turned back to face him. “I’m not sure why Lord Rawling paid a call on me. I was more surprised than you. He is a good man. His brother always spoke well of him. But the past is not pleasant for me. Indeed, you know how ill it makes me. I hope I do not have to see him again. I’m trying to get away from those years, but his unexpected appearance brought it all back.”

  “I know.”

  “I wanted to explain this to you. As you said, I have to learn not to keep things inside of me.”

  He caressed her cheek. “And I’ve learned something about myself, too. When it comes to you, I am quite possessive. I did not like that you were entertaining the marquess.”

  “I wasn’t entertaining him. But there is a good chance he will come around again.” She had a hand lightly over her stomach. “I won’t encourage him, but I cannot push him away, either.”

  “I know,” he said again, wishing he could be more of a gentleman about it. But seeing Holly with another man had his stomach roiling, as well.

  “You look so dour. I think perhaps it isn’t him so much as the fact that you don’t completely trust me yet. We haven’t spoken of this before, of the basic foundation of a marriage. I, more than anyone, am keenly aware of what lies can do to a marriage.”

  Joshua thought his mother’s behavior had been outrageous last night, but it was nothing to what he was putting Holly through now. All because he was a jealous idiot.

  He shook his head and sighed. “Seems I am not so wise after all. I’m sorry, Holly. The thing is, I do trust you.”

  “Then why are you so glum?”

  “I was caught by surprise, that’s all.” And realized that without a betrothal, he had no claim on Holly. He had wanted to wait a while longer before proposing, but perhaps it was a mistake. “Ah, here’s your Aunt Sophie. Shall we embark on our house hunt?”

  They didn’t have far to go before reaching the first house they were scheduled to see. Holly had been sitting quietly beside her aunt, not participating much in their conversations. But the moment they stepped down from the carriage, and she caught sight of the house, her eyes lit up.

  The house was a pale yellow stone trimmed in white. A black iron fence surrounded it. The front garden was nicely landscaped, although most of the flower beds were empty since it was rather late in the season.

  Holly liked this home.

  The selling agent hurried out to greet them.

  “Let’s see if the inside is as pretty,” Joshua said, escorting the two women into the house.

  Joshua ought to have been paying closer attention, but his gaze remained mostly on Holly, curious as to her response as they strolled through each room. She took in every detail and was listening attentively to the agent as he explained the home’s best features.

  “Plenty of bedchambers, as you can see. A lovely one for the lady of the house, with private dressing quarters. Same for the gentleman of the house, quite large, as you can see. Nursery is on the next floor up. Rooms for a nanny and a governess. Above that are the servants’ quarters.”

  They were shown two more houses that afternoon, but Joshua knew the first one was Holly’s favorite. When they returned to Chipping Way, Joshua came in a moment, and Sophie rang for tea.

  He took a seat beside Holly. “I think I know your preference. You liked the first one best, didn’t you?”

  She nodded. “There was so much charm to it. Although it is presently unoccupied, it felt as though it had been a happy home. What did you think of it, Aunt Sophie?”

  “I liked it best, as well. It has a good kitchen, large rooms. Good sunlight. It’s on a quiet square. I think you shall both be very happy there.”

  Holly’s cheeks turned pink. “Oh, but this is to be Josh
ua’s home. I—”

  Joshua caught her hand. “You must know this is all for you.”

  Sophie jumped out of her seat. “Excuse me, I’m sure I’ve forgotten something and must go in search of it right away.”

  Joshua grinned as she hurried out of the room. “Your aunt is a very smart woman.”

  “Yes, but she didn’t need to leap up like that and dash off.”

  “She did, Holly. I need to talk to you.”

  She arched an eyebrow. “Aren’t we talking now?”

  “I had thought to wait longer before proposing to you, believing we needed to get through that book together. I was so certain we needed time to get to know each other better.”

  She nodded. “I agree, it is quite sensible.”

  “Also, I didn’t want to push you into marriage before you were ready.” He still held her hand and was stroking it gently. “But I love you. I’ve always loved you. I think I knew it even as you were bringing that candlestick crashing down on my head when we first met in Oxford.”

  “We both felt it in that instant, didn’t we? The moment you touched me, even though it was to stop me from hitting you, I came alive again. I know there is still work to be done, that I haven’t put my past aside. It still sends me reeling.”

  “I know, love. But I want to be the one to catch you in my arms if ever you fall. Marry me, Holly. I was wrong in thinking we should wait.”

  “Are you sure?”

  He nodded. “Not a doubt.”

  Her eyes began to tear. “You sounded so confident just then.”

  “Because I am. I’ve never felt like this before, never felt this rightness with anyone else. I cannot be apart from you. You are in my heart and in my soul. You know I am not the sort to fawn and flatter. This I say as fact. If I lose you, I will lose the greatest part of my heart. Say you will, Holly. If you feel what I feel, then marry me.”

  She stared down at her toes. “I want to, but…”

  “You need have no fear of hurting me or thinking that I will be unhappy in the marriage. I am not afraid to take this leap. Indeed, I am eager for it. The only thing that can hurt me is not to have you as my wife. If you wish me to get down on bended knee, I will.”